Fourteen Short Obituaries for The Modern Woman
A list poem inspired by Auguste White’s McSweeney’s list
2 min readAug 23, 2022
- Kayal died while doing the eleventh dish because her heart couldn’t take the fact that her maid just called up in the morning and quit her job.
- Just as she touched the feet of the musician whose music saved her life, Sahana dropped dead.
- When asked what she’d do as a spirit, Preethi replied she’d reel-bomb Instagram celebrities and become viral.
- Nisha is survived by her family of four cats and a locked storeroom full of unpublished poems.
- Radha breathed her last as soon as she heard her misogynistic husband say, ‘I cleaned the house.’ The autopsy report revealed sudden shock as the cause of death.
- Malar ate a few daffodils out of starvation and died chanting Wordsworth’s name.
- According to her diary, Avanthika contemplated slackening her jaws and swallowing all her ghosts before passing away.
- Kriti’s last wish was to lead the World Periods Association and abolish menstrual cramps.
- Lavanya will never be forgotten; her home cooking videos will be reshared a million times for many years to come.
- Vaishnavi passed away peacefully with the expression…
